You especially feel the loss of these emotions if you had separated so far from them while she was still living. When they are ripped away from you so suddenly, that's when you might feel that loss the greatest.
I truly realized the meaning of, "you don't know what you've got until it's gone" in this past year. I didn't think this Mother's Day would be as hard as it was; much harder than last year. I suppose it's because I have 'settled' in to the realization of her death and have had time to let it sink in, unlike last year when I was still so overwhelmed and keeping my mind busy with all that there was to do to prepare for life without her.
All I could think about yesterday was what I could have been doing with her for Mother's Day. How much fun we could have had and all the different things she liked to do.
She was no ordinary lady. We could have done so much. I imagine how much fun it would have been to go to our usual haunt, St. Charles for quiche and iced tea and some shopping, but with our cameras this time. How much fun she would have had taking pictures together of the flowers and buildings and walking the Katy Trail along the river, then having a glass of wine on the veranda of one of the many wineries along Historic Main Street. Then, if we weren't too tired, we could have even taken in a movie.