This is a work in progress, as is all of Life. As I continue on my journey in the world of blogging and writing, I also continue to learn about myself and how I feel about things, in more ways than I ever imagined. This is a judge free zone. I analyze and "think" and process things as they come to me. I just want to share what has helped me along this journey of my life, and hope that there is something that I have endured that may spark a revelation in you, too. I'm honored that you are here.
My most valued possession is my family. Even if you are living in a box somewhere, and you have the love and support of your family, you will always be wealthy. Love really is all you need. From love, great things will emerge. From your thoughts, you can create greatness.
This is what I need to remind myself of everyday to be the best person that I can be. Live your life with gratitude. Be thankful for all that you have everyday, even if it is your eyes to see or your ears to hear or your feet to walk or your hands to create. Understand your place in this Universe; how infinitesimally small you are, but how huge a contribution your Spirit is. Don't wear blinders to the world around you, you're not the only one here. Be kind, considerate, don't be judgemental, love others, and yourself. Know that you are perfect inside; that you are love.
Why are we so cruel to each other? It's not just a bad habit. It's like a disease. One we can't stop or cure easily, much like drug addiction or alcoholism. It's like Cancer: It eats away at you and others.
I recently decided to stop posting pictures of unsuspecting people and their bad clothing choices on Facebook. That I needed to stop practicing my amateur photo journalism skills because it might be mean. But this is who I am. Not mean or intentionally hurtful, but opportunistic, maybe? I enjoy entertaining others, maybe? I am trying not to be a hypocrite. That's what this post is about. I have good feelings of potential enlightenment inside of me, and I want to share these insights, yet I create comic relief at others unwitting expense. I am big enough to admit this, and humble enough to want to change it.
Sometimes I give off that I have a very rough exterior. So maybe things that I write don't match up to the persona that I give off, to the ideals people have of me. Sometimes my work, and by work I mean J-O-B, brings out the worst in me. Sometimes dealing with the people that I have to deal with at my job brings out the worst in me. Sometimes I bring out the worst in me. I don't steal, cheat, bestow physical violence onto others, road rage (any more), or park in handicapped parking spaces...So, what is my worst? Speaking derogatorily against others. That, I feel, is what I do to be at my worst. I have a "rough" exterior. I AM trying to change it. It comes and goes, my success at it. I know what I believe in my heart, and I practice it diligently, much of the time...but I am often forgetful. I am not perfect, and I feel my greatest lesson is that I remember that none of us are.
Being as it may, and me being as I am, I had a slight worry at first that people might be confused about what they may read in a lot of my posts. That it doesn't match up to the personality of the person that they "know" from being acquainted with me. I know I have and will continue to write about positive thinking, visualization, gratitude, feelings of love, compassion, understanding.
But I am trying to figure out what this is. This need for us to please everyone (and we all do it, no matter what we tell ourselves). Why do we feel the need to sometimes pretend to be someone that we are not? Are we really all just chameleons changing who we are to meet our needs? The needs of others? I know that I do that. I change who I am to adapt to the situation that I am in. I adapt to the environment, the people that I am with at the time. I am very good at that. It makes them comfortable. I am not, however, being deceptive. At least, I don't think that I am. I am changing my hat, as it were. But am I true to myself? I believe that IS myself. When does it get to the point where I am adapting to please others too much? I don't think I do that, either. I don't do anything I don't want to do. Not really. That's the glory of maturity. Age. I don't have to be around you if I don't want to be. But I digress. This is about you being confused about me. I hope you aren't. I hope you see that in me, is you. That we all have quirks. We are all "different". We are all OK. We don't have to please everyone.
This is just all a part of my quest to find myself. Who I am. Who I want to be.
I am sarcastic and snarky, but I also love and have compassion. I am not ashamed of it. I am trying to understand it better. But, why? To make sure I'm OK? I know I'm OK. All is well and everything is falling rightfully in it's place. So, am I a hypocrite? My initial response was "aren't we all"? But, now, I think it's more like "I think we are all just like infants. We don't know better until we are taught. Who that teacher is, we will find in our own time. It is NOT an individual process. It takes each other, like stepping stones, to mark our paths".
"Our path is laid before us, we just have to dig through the weeds"--Nanette Stein
I don't let people in easily. I've been told that by a few people, at least. I was shocked to hear someone be brave enough to say it. That I'm intimidating-at first. Or that I seem that I don't like you-at first. That it takes a while to get to know me. I say shocked because that is not necissarily the vibe I intended. Maybe I subconciously do that because I feel there is "no possible way you could like me" so maybe I'm not trying to put my best foot forward just to be rejected anyway. Maybe I don't feel "good enough" so, by my silence, I am staying inside my safe shell. I don't trust right off that I am likable. I have trouble feeling that I am desirable to be around. What do I have to offer? I'm sure many of us have these feelings. Maybe they're left over from childhood inadequecies. Then, when we get older, we find ourselves in repeated relationships that compound these feelings.
We need to get up and brush ourselves off, as they say. Cleanse ourselves of the sticky cobwebs of a dormant life. We need to realize that we, and no one else, are responsible for our destiny. We are the Creators in our own lives. It is all there for us, in our very Souls. It's all within our grasp. We just have to reach out for it. And trust that it will reach back.
Just because I "tout" love and gratitude, doesn't mean I'm all white-light and fluff. Yes, I believe in what I say. I believe in what I believe. But there is such a wide range to my spectrum...I am also a die hard cynic. I question everything. I don't trust easily. I am NOT religious. I don't follow man mad (oooh, type-o. I meant made, but that might actually be Freudian, if I believed in Freud's theories, which I don't) organized religion. I DO believe in self creation, and quantum physics, and Universal thought. I am not an avid fan of The Secret, but I do follow Eckhart Tolle, Wayne Dyer, Louise Hay. I have respect more for Eastern thought than Western, Hindus rather than Baptists. I don't know why. Maybe I feel they judge less. But I am none of these, so how would I know? I try not to be judgmental myself, I say I won't, but I'm sure I will come across to many that I am, and I probably do. It is not my blatant intent. I'm just trying to figure it all out. And just because I believe in being grateful and remembering to be well, and do well, doesn't mean I do well and remember to be well. I, myself, am a work in progress, as well. I DO believe in God, The Source, A Higher Power, The All. Whatever you may call it, I may not call it, and vice versa, but I DO believe. I believe in the power of meditation, but don't do it nearly enough. I strongly (STRONGLY) dis-like when other religious groups, for lack of better phrasing, "hate-on" each other, and other human beings, different from themselves. I think that we, as a race, are otherworldly, and need to find that which is in ourselves that makes us so. And also what makes us so ...alike. I think we are ALL equal; that God has made no mistakes. I absolutely do not feel being gay is a mortal sin, so please, just cut it out all ready. (God doesn't make mistakes, remember?...) I am pro-choice, whatever that choice may be for you, but that you must be the one to live with that choice, so choose wisely, for the Universe does not suffer fools easily. I hope for the future; I want to see good things. I want to see us treat each other better. I see the acceptance of so many things as a step forward into the light or enlightenment, not a step into damnation. I believe in phenomena of many kinds. (Aliens and Pyramids, anyone?) Enough so to probably label me a weirdo in some circles, but hey, aren't we all? There are so many different sides to me, that this is what I feel the need to do to figure it all out for myself, and hopefully, someone else will feel that they are okay, too, after all, by reading my journey to self discovery. We are all, each of us, an enigma, waiting to be un-puzzled. We must be brave enough to take the steps ourselves.
I never looked at a blog. Never participated in one. I didn't really know how they work. I don't know the etiquette. There's just something I knew I needed to do. Wanted to do. Writing is it. And this is the information age. If you have something to say, the best way to get it out there is the net, right? Ours is the best time for mass information/communication. I feel I have a lot to say. Some of it will be important. Some of it completely random. Some completely crazy. Crazy to who? Crazy even to me, I'm sure. But I've made this commitment to myself to do this, and so I shall. I want to say what I'm thinking. What some of you might be thinking, but that we are too afraid of what other people might say or think when we say it. Not all of it will be heavy. I have alot of opinions, about alot of things. But none of it is to judge. I will step into a thought process with a wonderment. A curiosity. That's what this blog is. My confessions, my analysis of anything that comes to mind. Most of my friends don't know many things about me. Most would not believe that I believe what I believe. Most of my family don't know these things, either. It's hard, sometimes, to explain certain things to people with words from your mouth, spilling from your brain as they come to you. Trying to get them to understand your feelings as you feel them. Believe your beliefs as you believe them. Not that I would try to get anyone to believe what I believe, but to see it as I see it. This is all just stuff I think about. I think alot. I am a thinkaholic.